I’ve never considered myself to be extreme. On a scale of 1 to 5, both 1 and 5 I would consider dramatic, too confident in one direction or the other. Therefore I would have to exist on the 2 to 4 range and to be honest, at times, 2 or 4 I could consider an extreme as well. This leaves me with a 3, my baseline of comfort. My safe place, one in which I never venture too far from. One from which I can avoid extreme highs and extreme lows, where there is no place for failure or rejection. One from which I can simply exist.
I tell you this because, when you exist in a place like this, a place of comfort, words like passion seize to exist. I’ve heard passion defined as the willingness to suffer for something you love. Now, when you think about it on a surface level, suffering and comfort seem polar opposites and that’s what I believed. If I am comfortable, I will not suffer. The sad reality is, when you deny a passion you suffer most of all.
For a long time I claimed I was not passionate about anything. With this came constant questioning of identity, gifting, and purpose. When you process these things internally like I do, you begin to exist from within. You become dead to those around you. It wasn’t that I didn’t know the answer to these questions, I questioned how could I avoid them. I operated under the belief that if I didn’t try, I couldn’t fail. I believed if God had ever made a mistake, it was how he created me.
It was pointed out to me that I was losing a battle I didn’t even know I was fighting. The enemy was winning. To deny ones passion, identity, purpose or gifting was to deny the One who gave them to me. When you realize this, you have two options, go on the offense or admit defeat. I chose to fight back. It started with repentance, and continues with prayer and trust.
To admit I have a passion is an answer to prayer. To write this to you is an answer to prayer. It’s proof that God hears us in our affliction and gives us the means to escape it. The truth is I asked for a podium. It’s been given to me in the form of VIVE. VIVE didn’t start out as mine and I've struggled to make it my own. I’ve tried to maintain someone else’s vision and it has been incredibly hard. In that, I again found myself denying my passion. I need to leave my baseline of comfort to pursue this passion. Things are going to change. I have a voice and am in search for an audience. My hope is that you all join me on this journey, but I know not all of you will come. My vision is different than what VIVE started out as and I understand if we don’t see eye to eye. But, I must pursue what I am passionate about and I encourage the same from you. I encourage you to ask yourself, what is your passion and what is the struggle in its pursuit? I hope you find your answer.